Max, I've got a feeling we're not in Stillwater anymore.

Yesterday I was at a cookout at a friend of mine's house. She lives in a normal neighborhood with your typical people and typical houses, but this was not a typical day in the neighborhood. Some of us had gotten our food and were sitting on the back deck when we hear 'bang bang bang-bang-bang...bang...bang' followed by screaming. We were like "surely not! That couldnt have been gunshots...right?"  so then we here sirens and we peer around the house and the police, fire engines and ambulances are all on the street!!! So some people went out front and the police told them that a shoot out occured on the front lawn of the house FIVE HOUSES DOWN!!! There was crime tape and bloody clothes strewn on the lawn after the ambulance had taken the people away.

Everyone was out of their houses and looking at the crime scene (I guess thats how you know it wasnt the ghetto). We waited for the news to come on that night and apparently it was baby mama drama. There was two men with guns and both were shot along with a woman. One of the men was her current boyfriend and another was her baby daddy. Here's where it gets worse....they were all shot (not fatally) and the woman was HOLDING THE BABY when she was shot at!!! The DAD shot at his baby!

As you can imagine the BBQ conversation stayed focused around this and we all joked about it. My poor friend though...who would have thought a shooting would occur on her street the day of her barbeque??? I hope she wasnt embarassed!

Things are better now.

I dont want to go into detail until things are more stable

Now if only I could get rid of the perpetual pain in my neck. (Literally)

What was I thinking???

I remember the exact moment I decided to go to graduate school.  In my undergrad, I was talking to one of the professors who I only knew for a short time (he left the school right after he taught my class) but he was talking to me about the passion I had for science and physiology. He mentioned grad school...I thought "me?? no...you dont understand....I am not cut out for that" He basically told me about the amazing perks about being in science...and I thought to myself "if he thinks I can do it...maybe I can...whoa...me?? a PhD???" Then with the perfect mixture of influential professors the goal was made..I worked my ass off to work on my resume...and I did it! I got in!

Then all of a sudden I am here. STRESS EVERY SINGLE DAY! No friggin joke. I am sure the stress comes from me wanting this so badly, but sometimes I wonder if I want it because I love science, or because I understand science and a PhD makes people look at you differently. Back to the stress....even when I try to relax...I am constantly thinking about what I SHOULD BE doing rather than laying on the couch. Studying, Reading Papers, Working in Lab, or just getting stuff done around the house which often falls to a place of last priority to school stuff.

Lately I have been experiencing some unexpected set backs in the graduate school road that have put some added pressure on me. ADDED PRESSURE!

I often fantasize about what it would be like to have a 9-5 job and go home and be done with it....the job wouldnt come home with you.

Sometimes I just feel like I should have considered some other options besides graduate school, but I am here now, and I will do my best to complete what I have started....

If I finish my degree though... I will probably not be becoming a professor...because from what I have seen...they have the same amount of pressure and stress as I do now...because their job depends on them having to get grants out of a very small money resevoir.

The stem of some of this:
Recently I had someone mention to me they were looking for some more excitement out of me...I wanted to start yelling "excitement??? you want excitement?? I think the excitement falls away when you have 3 tests in less than a week, plus a homework essay due, plus having to turn out some data just so you arent looked at as a failure! If I get all this done, and done well at that, isnt that enough of a portrayal of excitement??? What do you want? A song and a Dance???"

Give me a fuckin break.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.

Sometimes I just wish it wasnt so difficult to see the rainbow during the storm.

LOCKS OF LOVE (second time)

For the second time in my life...I have donated to locks of love!

I was going to wait until the summer to cut all my hair off...but it was REALLY long and REALLY annoying! I couldnt handle it anymore! It didnt curl anymore without the help of me twirling individual curls into it in the morning....so I had to cut it...and I cut it short so that I could donate it to locks of love.

I am donating 11 inches, and overall she probably cut off over a foot after the layering.

I LOVE IT. It is curly again! and soft...and it looks pretty again!

Here are some pictures. I straightened it for the cutting...

BEFORE:

AFTER:

RIP Hair:

Yep...that pony tail is all of it. On the head it looks like a ton of hair and then you cut it and its a measly little pony tail. It takes 8-10 ponytails for them to make wigs...plus the cost of manufacturing!

My friends took pictures of the actually cuttting...hopefully I will be able to get my hands on those!

I know some of these pics are kinda dark...I will post better ones soon.

Sorry mom! I reeeeeallly hated my hair!